Ever listened to a song or a piece of music that almost makes you burst into tears?

And you don't even know why?

Ever seen something happen that just makes your insides shiver and your chest fill up with a pleasantly happy feeling? 

And you can't even really explain what that feeling is, exactly, because it doesn't have a name.  It isn't triggered by only certain events, either.  It just happens at random moments, when you see something, hear something, touch something. 

Your throat constricts.  Or your face tingles.  Or you have the irresistable urge to just SMILE like an idiot.

And you don't know why. 

...maybe I'm just going soft.  But, see, I've always been "soft"...this is NEW.  

This is listening to the theme song from Star Wars and getting teary-eyed. 

This is walking outside at 7:50 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays with the trees laced in new snow and feeling like you could stand out in the cold FOREVER. 

This is finding joy in a smile from someone I hardly know. 

Someone touches you, and that makes your day perfect, and they don't realize it. 

A shiver that travels all over you simply because the sun is shining through the grayness of everyday life. 

A squeal, a giggle.  Just because.   

So, what's up with me?  I don't know.  It's weird and wonderful at the same time.  Sure, life has sucked sometimes.  Sucked ALOT sometimes.  Sometimes all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry myself into nothing because it's just too MUCH. 

But mostly it's beautiful and miraculous.  Listening to a song that makes you want to cry because you want to feel that way.  You want to ache inside.  You want to have a longing for something that you don't think you'll ever get.  And you almost don't want to have it because then where would that longing go? 

You want the ache. 

You want that joyous, painful DESIRE for the awesome. 

For the wonderful. 

For that something that you can't put your finger on, but you know that it's that part of you that cries, laughs, sighs, and sings when you least expect it. 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Okay, so, I was kinda feeling like alliteration.  Hope you don't mind.

I'm into my second semester of college at the moment, so that is exciting.  The first semester went well.  It was rather stressful, trying to get used to a new kind of atmosphere that was quite different from my time as a homeschool kid.  I was surprised, however, to find out just how many students at this college were also homeschooled.  I had never realized just how many other homeschoolers there were. 

My first group of classes was very interesting and, apart from one Old Testament class, I took courses entirely specific to my English major.  Bad idea.

First of all, it makes you get extremely sick of your major all at once.  There were a few weeks where I had at least two papers due on the same day.  Last semester had quite a few late nights.  And I don't drink coffee.  That can be a problem.  But, I got through it and I am glad that I had classes that I was at least somewhat excited about.  This semester, I have no classes specific to my major.  I decided (upon my advisor's advice) to choose general classes.  Only one class has required any real writing, and that was Composition II.  Fortunately, that class has almost ended.  Come this next quad, I won't have any more desperate writing to do. 

Comp II is possibly one of the hardest classes I have ever had.  Hopefully the experience will be a good one, since I'm sure it prepared me for future English classes.  My only beef about that class, however, was the strictness of the course.  I felt like I didn't have much of a chance to be creative with my paper, and it took ages for me to actually figure out what I was writing my one big research paper on.  If I had been able to do it my way, I feel like I could have done much better on it and had more of an interest in working on it.  As it was, I was forced to basically use the thesis statement that the teacher wanted me to use. 

So, needless to say, I'll be psyched when that class is over.  :)

* * * *

One of my only times for true relaxation here in the college atmosphere has been being able to catch up on LOST online.  Unfortunately, the television in the dorm doesn't pick up any channels at the moment, so it is a real blessing that I can access LOST episodes online.  Since I work on Thursday evenings anyway, I have been able to keep up by watching new episodes on Fridays.

So far, I have enjoyed the new season.  It seems to be going very fast for me.  I love the flash forwards and the constant confusion of wondering just WHEN they are going to start using flashbacks.  I have a feeling that it will be pretty surprising when we do finally see a flashback...because they will probably trick us all into thinking it is a flash forward.  Just a thought.  Anyway, I've been keeping my eyes open for that.

The upcoming episode, The Constant, will be Desmond-centric, if my information is correct.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to see it until Friday, but I may be able to write more about what I think of it after I have seen it.  maybe if I do a weekly blog about that for a while I may be able to keep up with this blog. 

Either way, so far, the revelations in the show have really surprised me.  I have to admit that, while the Episode "Eggtown" was not as intense as other episodes, the ending made up for it entirely.  I find myself very drawn to shows that can make you think one thing for the entirity of the episode until the final moment when you realize that all you were thinking was not true.  The implications of the Kate flashfoward are going to be keeping me on my toes for the rest of this season.

Not to mention this upcoming episode.  In the trailer for this episode, Desmond is seen shouting at Daniel Faraday:  "When am I going to die??"  or something to that effect.  I don't think I need to tell you just how panic-stricken I am that my favorite LOST character is going to bite the dust now that he no longer has Charlie to protect.

Here are a few reasons why I think the LOST writers won't kill Desmond off quite yet:

• He's probably one of the most popular characters among female fans...let's face it, it's true...
• His back story has not been revealed entirely (for example, WHY was he sent to prison?)
• His relationship with Penny has not been resolved, and it has been the general rule that a character usually gets there story resolved before their death (unless you count Libby...who I think will still resurface somewhere in the remaining seasons). 
• Desmond is an important key to these sudden "flash forwards" and the whole issue of whether or not the future can be changed.  The woman he runs into in "Flashes Before Your Eyes" tells him that the universe has a way of course correcting and that nothing can change fate, and yet Desmond realizes that he was brought back to his past...where he actually COULD make a change because he was aware of it.  Unfortunately, he was knocked out and brought back to the Island...so that revelation by him was not resolved.  I think it will be key to the developments on the Island now, as it indicates that the future (and the past) can be changed...at least, in the LOST universe.  :)
• He's my favorite character...and the LOST writers do NOT want to risk my wrath should he perish too soon. 

There is my LOST analysis for the day.  Here's to hoping that this next episode will not disappoint and will give us some longed-for answers!